Venting my thoughts away....

Typically, I try to blog only once a day, but I am blogging twice! Yippee...I am breaking out, and really crabby at the moment. Pms? Let's hope that's the answer. This song has been playing non- stop, and as beautiful as it may be it makes me question everything about life. What is the meaning, what is the purpose of this life that God has given us? To re create? It's weird how good things happen to bad people, and bad things happen to good people. It makes me wonder if God is really is really being fair... ya know? Every time I hear the song, it gets to me every single time...


"What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone"  

Every time I hear the chorus, I think why would people say things they didn't mean... is it that hard to be honest. I guess that's where people don't like me, i'm blunt. I keep it real. I don't sugarcoat. I say what i have to say. ALthough, if you aren't my friend then I could care less... really. 

I don't know why I'm so crabby, or why I'm tweaking at everyone. I do apologize. The only thing that really calms me down is music. I'm not much of a singer, nor am I that great at piano... but when it comes to listening to music- it's a def escape from reality. Lately, I haven't been thinking about much other than my surroundings. School is school, and i get bored of it. Where is the motivation... Work is work... nothing new.

I mean, I have a great family. I know that my friends are always here when I need them,but i feel like im missing something. A man? ha ha. I need to fill this void that I'm feeling inside. It's driving me nuts.

Today, my friend had asked me to be her confirmation sponsor, and I almost cried. I can honestly say that I am honored. To have a person who confides in me that much really means a lot. I feel like that the members of my church are realizing how I am really growing in my faith. Heck, I didn't think I'd be like this... but to know that they are seeing a transformation in the woman I'm becoming, is an accomplishment to me. I don't ask them to acknowledge how great of a person I'm becoming, but I would like it if they acknowledge the fact that I am trying to get a better understanding of my faith.

When I think of 'friendship' I'd have to say that it takes two to create that relationship. Not one. There needs to be communication, and understanding of one another... or else conflict is involved. At the same time, along the road we meet different people, things change. It's up to you and that person to really figure out if you're willing to cont that relationship, but if it's unhealthy I don't see why you should maintain it. When it comes to being a friend, I'd say I know how to be a great friend, but I don't know if I could ever take credit as to if I am one. When someone needs me, I will be there. i will walk that extra mile for the person I care for. hell, if you need my heart to survive I'd give it to them in a heart beat. I forgive, but it's hard for me to forget. Don't push my buttons, because when I leave the chance of me coming back is slim. Sorry.

Ugh.

Note to the man upstairs:
Dear God,
i don't think it's fair that bad things happen to good people.
i don't understand why you do the things you do.
Do you not see how people are suffering...
please God, just let them live there life.
Give them hope, be by there side.
Amen.