My life, at the moment ,

Summer has officially started, and for the first few weeks it's been quite busy, for me. I am taking a breather, doing what I do best. Being lazy. Poop. For the first few weeks, I had a little church things I had to do, and then it was the Ephata retreat. The is probably the one retreat, that I have been looking foward to all year! There's just something so special, about it. The whole process the kids go through within three days, is truly life changing. I was fortunate enough to have been able to attend all three days. I don't know why, but gosh, I was too touched in so many ways by the holy spirit. When the feet washing came, I was so nervous. It wasn't even my confirmation. As I stood out at the door, I heard Anh Tam share his story... for the first time. I found him to be so admirable to come out, and share. It made me realize that my family may not be perfect, but we are family. Blood and flesh, and no matter what, that will never change. It will only stay consistent. That whole day, was very emotionally draining... I witnessed these kids being touched in so many ways, that i could feel it. After bawling so much, I started to fold the wet towels, and as I stood there, I stopped. I told my friend, I'm going to run into chapel for a bit. I got in the room, and kneel down to him. I just cried, and talked to Jesus. It had been so long. But it felt so right, as I cried the happiness, and sadness that I had been keeping inside for so long, I just asked him to watch over me. I told him everything. and how I was sorry for the things I've sinned. Everyone made fun od me for walking out with a red face lol. Anyways,  I don't know, but it was special day/ That's all I'm going to say... that weekend I had met a few new people and had gotten closer to a few. Wow, they are so amazing. They are always telling me that I am their motivator, their inspiration, but I can not take any credit.. because they were the ones who motivate me to better myself. I caught myself sharing some of my painful moments, and hearing and opening my hearts to others. It was amazing, so relieving. After the retreat was over, I came home and recieved all these kind messages from my friends and even my ex. It was so sweet.

I hear that my ex wants to talk to me again. After 9 months, and he wants to talk. A part of me says,  talk to him because deep down I want too, but then again, my feelings for him is like we just met just yesterday. So he did chat me, and we spoke briefly. It was nice. I saw him at jenny's confirmation, and as excited as I was to be there and to be her sponsor, I was excited to see him. I wanted to hug him, and let him know that joy I was feeling, how amazing it felt to be someone's sponsor. But I couldn't. I had to contain myself. I feel like there are still things he is holding back, and has not said to me. Then again, I feel the same way. I don't really know what to make of things, or what I should think. I'm just not going to hope on anything, and stay opened minded.  Blah, I don't know.

Becky had been having troubles, and she came over to my house . It was nice to see a familiar face from school, and all we did was talk.  It was great to just have one another, and talk about everything. That's the one thing, I am so blessed for- friends. Everyone, has been has too great too me, and sometimes I feel like I don't deserve the,, at all. No matter how far, or how close I know that they will always be there for me. So thank you, guys. Thank you for being so wonderful!! I love you all!!!



 

One year down, and more to go...

My first year of college, is done and over. It was definitely, an unforgettable experience. I've built many friendships, and even lost a few. Gained knowledge and understanding, and opened my mind to newer things. There were ups, and downs but in the end... it is what it is.


Throughout the year, I've come to build strong friendships with a few girls at my school. The bond that we've created truly is special, and the girls I've met have def, impacted my life. I hope you girls know that I love you all! Thank you for everything you have done for me. It means the world, to know that I have your support and happiness towards everything I do. 

I dated a guy, for a year and half, till this day I still feel as though he is the one for me... it's been rough, and hard. Till this day, i am still trying to heal, and i am not over him. But I have faith that God has a plan, and things will be okay. IF we are meant to be, I know we will have a chance again. I do. 

 Saying goodbye to my friends was so hard, and to say goodbye to my roommate was harder. Living with her everyday, and then having to stop was blah.But she knows how I feel, and Sarah thank you for everything you've done for me. I truly appreciate you, and everything! I think it's really weird, and very special  that I got to meet someone like my roommate. Words can't express how much I love her, and sometimes I also want to shove a sock down her throat. Not literally of course, but she has helped me to grow, and i couldn't have done it without her!

Summer is here, and i want to be proactive as possible! I recently got an email to go in for an interview with this program called perspectives, and i am super excited! I also am planning on doing the Big sister, big brother program as well! I hear its really rewarding, and I can't wait! Hopefully, things will plan out as I prayed! Recently, my best friend had share that she felt god was calling her, and all i could say was ...'wow'. I know that everyone has a calling, but to have God call her specifically is very special. I knew there was something different about her, when I first got to know her, but all i can say is... girl, just keep opening your heart, and if he is truly calling you...be prepared. Frankly i think she willl do great in all that it is god has set out for her to do. Lately for myself, I too , have been focusing on God more. I realized that I want to learn so much more about what God has to offer, and how blessed and lucky i am to receive his unconditional love. I want to become less boy crazy, and "

"A womans heart must be so into God,a man must seek God to find her"  

that's what i want, I want to give myself to god, before I can really think about a significant other. AS for now, i just want to put my focus on something more than myself, but to help others. So here is to 2011! yay!

I'm trying to move on

"I’m trying really hard not to cry over you
because every tear is just one
more reminder that I don’t know how to let you go.
It’s only after someone is gone do you
realize how much you miss them…
My friends are always telling
me to move on, to give up.
But why? Why should I?
They don’t see you the way that I see you.
They don’t look into your eyes and see the world.
Why would they understand?
They can’t possibly imagine what
it means to look at your best friend
and see all their hopes and dreams come true.
I wish for once, just once,
they could walk a mile in my shoes.
But they wouldn’t need to walk that far,
they would just take one step and suddenly,
they would take back every bit of
‘getting over you’ advice they had
ever given me and realize you’re my life,
you were meant for me,
and that moving on or giving up is simply not an option.
You never really stop loving someone.
You just learn to try to live without them
I really think there’s a reason that I love her so much.
Like something is telling me not to let her go.
Every time I follow my heart… it leads me to her.
I mean… what other explanation is there.
Why is it that she is all I can think about?
Why is it that no matter how upset I am…
I see her and I can’t help but smile?
Why is it that when she smiles at me…
I get that feeling in my stomach?
And even when she’d broken my heart,
and hurt me as much as anyone could ever hurt me…
when she lied to me… and I hated her…
why then did I still feel those same feelings?
Answer me that, and then I’ll tell you
why I let her hurt me so much.
Don’t keep running back to the
one person that you need to walk away from.
If I can’t have you, at least i was able to know I had you.
Someday you’ll know, that I was the one for you.
No one realizes the beauty of love, until you lose it.
If the human body can live with food and water,
then why does it feel like I can’t live without you"