My life, at the moment ,

Summer has officially started, and for the first few weeks it's been quite busy, for me. I am taking a breather, doing what I do best. Being lazy. Poop. For the first few weeks, I had a little church things I had to do, and then it was the Ephata retreat. The is probably the one retreat, that I have been looking foward to all year! There's just something so special, about it. The whole process the kids go through within three days, is truly life changing. I was fortunate enough to have been able to attend all three days. I don't know why, but gosh, I was too touched in so many ways by the holy spirit. When the feet washing came, I was so nervous. It wasn't even my confirmation. As I stood out at the door, I heard Anh Tam share his story... for the first time. I found him to be so admirable to come out, and share. It made me realize that my family may not be perfect, but we are family. Blood and flesh, and no matter what, that will never change. It will only stay consistent. That whole day, was very emotionally draining... I witnessed these kids being touched in so many ways, that i could feel it. After bawling so much, I started to fold the wet towels, and as I stood there, I stopped. I told my friend, I'm going to run into chapel for a bit. I got in the room, and kneel down to him. I just cried, and talked to Jesus. It had been so long. But it felt so right, as I cried the happiness, and sadness that I had been keeping inside for so long, I just asked him to watch over me. I told him everything. and how I was sorry for the things I've sinned. Everyone made fun od me for walking out with a red face lol. Anyways,  I don't know, but it was special day/ That's all I'm going to say... that weekend I had met a few new people and had gotten closer to a few. Wow, they are so amazing. They are always telling me that I am their motivator, their inspiration, but I can not take any credit.. because they were the ones who motivate me to better myself. I caught myself sharing some of my painful moments, and hearing and opening my hearts to others. It was amazing, so relieving. After the retreat was over, I came home and recieved all these kind messages from my friends and even my ex. It was so sweet.

I hear that my ex wants to talk to me again. After 9 months, and he wants to talk. A part of me says,  talk to him because deep down I want too, but then again, my feelings for him is like we just met just yesterday. So he did chat me, and we spoke briefly. It was nice. I saw him at jenny's confirmation, and as excited as I was to be there and to be her sponsor, I was excited to see him. I wanted to hug him, and let him know that joy I was feeling, how amazing it felt to be someone's sponsor. But I couldn't. I had to contain myself. I feel like there are still things he is holding back, and has not said to me. Then again, I feel the same way. I don't really know what to make of things, or what I should think. I'm just not going to hope on anything, and stay opened minded.  Blah, I don't know.

Becky had been having troubles, and she came over to my house . It was nice to see a familiar face from school, and all we did was talk.  It was great to just have one another, and talk about everything. That's the one thing, I am so blessed for- friends. Everyone, has been has too great too me, and sometimes I feel like I don't deserve the,, at all. No matter how far, or how close I know that they will always be there for me. So thank you, guys. Thank you for being so wonderful!! I love you all!!!