Life at the moment

Finally, back to school. With less than three weeks left, and its all winding down very quickly. I am tired, and quite honestly sad that my first year is over. Easter Break was very relaxing, and not  mention filled the church events. I ended up going to all 4 services, and I enjoyed each and every one of them. Sitting with my friends, and my family. It's been tough, because I saw him. I miss him so much, and it seems like i'm going through these withdrawals . I start to blame myself for there is no friendship. I feel like it was because of me, that pushed 'what could  of  been' away... and now, i'm paranoid, and my emotions are fucking me over. (excuse, thy language) Being able to be back on fb is nice. I feel like i am no longer an outcast anymore, haha. But at the same time, it gives me the excuse to go to his page, all the time. He's probably stressed out with all he has going on, but I believe in him. As for the rest, God has a plan.

I've been spending quite some time with my church friends. I like the fact that I'm not always hanging around the same group of people all the time. I like it. I feel like these guys will be my friends forever, and i just feel it now.
I can't speak to them about every aspect of my life, and I feel like they will be able to understand/relate due to the fact we are so similar. On top of that, my friend Becky and I have gotten really close as well. Heck, she's one of my best friends here. Technically, my other 'twin' or so I claim. It was good being able to talk to her. It's funny, cause everything that's running through her mind, or when we both are really confused,  we get to share all those moments together. Which makes it fun. I know how badly she wants to get into the U, and just start the life she deserves so I'm praying for you Becky! Follow YOUR dreams, don't let people tell you what you can or can not do, because in the end.. YOU are your own person. :)

Lately, I've been reevaluating myself. Like they say, "you are your worst critique"... any who...I don't know why, but it's like I'm not content with who I am at the moment. I feel I could strive so much more to better myself. I start of think about what it is I want to do with my life, and as of now I'm feeling education. At first I thought maybe medicine. How great would it be to save a life, cure those who need it, or be able to help someone every single day... it's not that I can't do that through education but I do get a different vibe. After reading a friend's blog everything she had written made sense. I do know why I want to be teacher. I know. I want to be able to give these the assurance that I  believe they can do anything. I will say, I am not the smartest little light bulb out there, but gosh, I know the hurt of having no one believing in you, or thinking you will make something of yourself. Well they are wrong! I know what I am capable of, and to be quite honest, I know what I am good at. My heart is telling me to step on the gas, and go forward with my decisions.

Another note before I conclude... lately I've been getting these negative vibes. People are very mean, and really need to watch their jokes. It's not as funny as they assume it to be. It's quite rude. I am very blunt, and real but it's not to the point where I will go out of my way to confront someone of something very little. If they cross the line, I am not afraid. I tolerate many things, and many people, but when you go to show your true colors, then think again. Sometimes, I will never understand the way people act... be real, be you.

I can't do it anymore..

It's been 7 months, and honestly, I can't deal with this anymore. 

EAsTer BREAK! (EAT BREAK)

Easter Break, is finally here. I can finally relax, for now! Lets see... last night I stayed at school with two of my friends. We went to the mall, and I found the cutest pairs of shoes! I wanted them so badly, but they were 32.80. Darn it. Instead, I bought a pair of gladiator for 10 bucks. What a steal! I think so. Afterwards we head back to school, and Sarah and I hung out in room for the rest of the night. We watched PS I LOVE YOU, and about half way through the movie it paused, and Sarah and I ended talking till 2 in the morning. That's probably the one thing I love about my roommate. The fact that we can talk about everything, and for a while it was really nice. Yeah, she's my best friend, but at the same time she's like a sister I've never had as well. It was just really good bonding time. We talked about everything. It was brought to my attention that some people may view me as narcissistic. At first I was a bit offended,  but I'm okay with it now. I feel like when it comes to certain people, they view me as this girl, who think she's better than others, maybe thinks too highly of herself. Truth of the matter is I am not like that at all! I'm quite good at reading people, and just by the way people act I know the person they are. I distance myself away from people whom are selfish, or stray away from people who don't know what respect is. I try to surround myself with positive and admirable people. There are very few people who can read me. I'm not just an open book. I am well reserved, and I like that. Those who do know me, can say otherwise. It's a shame people perceive me like that. Because if you really got to know this girl, you'd be surprised. I don't need to explain myself to anyone,really. Last night Tofu and I talked we brought up relationship issues, and how men keep their relationship going, when they are at there 'lost and confused' staged. WTF, for a while I was frustrated with him and his reasoning that I wanted to punch someone in the face... it made me realize that I don't think I'll be having a man soon. As far as liking Tofu goes, right now, I'm having doubts. Not because I'm afraid to start a relationship but the fact that he's just not ready to be with anyone right now. I can understand that, and I want to try my best to get over my ex before anything.

I accidentally told him..." I'm glad not all guys are like you guys", and then felt really dumb for saying that. He then stated that it was a very ignorant comment. I didn't say much after. Maybe it was wrong to even start that convo, but at the moment I was so heated I couldn't contain myself. Whatever, it is what it is.Boys are so dumb.

Tonight I'll be going to mass, and I am excited. Can't wait for Easter too. It'll be nice since I'll be at home with my family, and that's the best part.

Listen to you heart.

After reading Becky's blog about her talking about the movie 'Listen to your heart', I caved in and watched it. It started off like any other typical romance movie. The holding hands, carrying the woman, kissing too much- all that corny stuff. But after watching the whole thing, I got out so much more than I expected. Yes, other than love.

Inspiration. 

This movie inspired me to follow my dreams. Life has no limitations, only opportunities, and its up to us to go after the things we want. To not be afraid of all the potential or gifts you've been blessed with, but to embrace them, and aim for something far beyond what you've imagined. Be determined.Strive. Succeed.

Positivity.

There are many people whom are suffering/ dealing/ or even overcoming obstacles. Despite it all, some chose to be positive, and look at life through a different perspective instead of resenting the world of the flaws/mistakes/problems that they encounter. I truly admire them. 

Genuine People.

Regardless of all the horrible people, I truly believe there are those few who are genuine about the person they truly are. Who have good intentions, other than themselves.

Friendship.

Knowing you have a person to confide in, or someone who is there for you, is probably one of the best things a friend can do. There will always be those few whom will be close to your heart. 

Kindness.

Everyone needs compassion, followed by kindness. I hate that us as human beings are so selfish. We lack respect, and forget to treat others correctly, but yet we expect to be treated better than the rest. 

Love.

Love comes in many forms, and through many ways. Whether action, or words. True loves means being able to sacrifice, and understand one another. To forget about what's on the surface but rather to digging deeper. It's not about how many times you can show your love (making out) and what not.... but being able to keep the emotion/feeling going with that person, and growing more emotionally with one another.

In the movie, Danny definitely had made an influence on me. He opened his heart to a deaf girl, and fell in love with the person she was. He motivated those around him to never give up, and to be open with endless possibilities that life has to offer! He stayed strong after his mother's death, with no resentment or anger towards the world. He gave the needy a chance, and believing that they too, had potential to better there life. After being diagnosed with cancer, little did he know that time was running out. He proved to live his life to the fullest, and left the world peacefully. He chose not to let the ones he love see him die, but rather leave the world reminding them that even he's gone, he's still there.He's the living proof of the person I hope to become one day. He impacted many, with all of his offerings.I hate the fact that life is unfair and that Bad things always happen to good people. It makes me wonder why God dos this... I am so emotional right now.... 

Another Saturday.

Tntt was good, we focused on Lent, and preparing ourselves for holy week. I can't believe Easter is almost here! Facebook, here I come! Ha..Ha.. Today, cap 2 kids did not participate in any of the games, instead we were held responsible for the station of adoration. Most of time, we played everything by ear. As the group kept coming in, we got a bit better. I noticed, I was mainly the one charge, and to be quite honest... I don't mind. Although, I know one of the girls were a bit annoyed. I'm sorry, but once I get that rush, I just keep on going. I love being held/ responsible as the leader. Feels good to be in charge. I didn't see him today... he was in Duluth. Bummer, much. I really wanted to see him today. sjdjhajk! I'm not going to keep my hopes us to high, and just hope for the best. In the mean time, I want to sing! hahaha good bye.

Who knows?

I didn't think last night would have ever happened. Or that he'd tell me something, that gave me a little a hope inside that there could be a chance. But after what he had said, I'm so excited to see where things go... at the same time I'm afraid. My friend said, to take chances, because you'll never know if you dwell on 'what ifs' - actually she didn't say those exact words.. but you get the point. We will see where things go... who knows.

Over and out :)

I think I like you...

"well, guess what, during the beginning of Giao Ly this year, I didn't know what your name was but I saw you around before. So I thought you were really pretty and so I was gonna Holla! but you were taken

did that make your day?"


"you are beautiful and have a great personality"

I think I like you!!! Hehehehe :)

A little heart to heart

There's so much running through my mind. Everything just seems to be rushing towards me all at once... this weekend, driving to my little brothers friend house ( which was the longest drive ever), and then heading to the buffet. I sat in the car, and this song came on. Blessings, by Laura Story while driving, I listened to this song carefully, "What if you're mercies are in disguise". After my break up, I resented the world. I resented everything, and everyone. I kept myself in a dark world, filled with no hope nor positivity. I lingered on like that for months, hating him, making decisions that I regretted, did things that maybe i shouldn't have. For a while, i lost who I was.That was me at rock bottom. Now that months have gone by, and I've actually thought things through, I feel that I'm in a better place. Despite it all. Yes, i miss him. Yes, I still love him. But in some ways, maybe being hurt was a blessing in disguise? 

"'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise "

The Ephata retreat is right around the corner, and I am very excited. Not only am I a sponsor, but I am hoping I'll be able to participate in this life changing event. I remember when I had to go through it. Boy, did I take it seriously. Left all my electronics at home, hoping for the best. Anh Bao was my dad, and chi Maria was my mom. My family, was awesome. We shared so many memories together, and now that it's been 2 years since I last remembered, one of my group members are still really good friends. Aside from my friends from school, I can say that my church friends mean the world to me. Although we don't hang out with each other as often as we'd like. Or sometimes we might not even like one another, when it comes down to it, if we ever needed one another i know I can rely on them. 

"What if my greatest disappointments 

Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise"

Growing up, I knew it was children I was meant to work with. With today's economy, its sort of scaring me if education is really what I should do. It's not that I feel incompatible, call me the girl with the ego, but I feel that  if I were a teacher, I think I'd be bomb. Seeing/ hearing that my friends families are getting laid off, is scary.I pray that everything will be okay... my grandma is getting weaker, and I don't know what tomorrow will bring. One day she's better, one day she's not. When she's sick, it's hard. I worry constantly because sometimes I don't know what to do to make her feel better.  I've been trying to be good at home. Less arguing back, more listening and just being with my family. People may perceive me to be this good girl, but really I make mistakes all the time. I'm not all that great as people see me to be... like I said, and will continue saying... I want to better myself so that I can better those around me. Because at the end of the day, it's not about me but about others. 

I feel like i'm rambling a lot. My point of this blog being is that despite everything the pain, the lost, the sadness, the hurt etc... I feel like all of those things were blessings that came in disguise. I was blinded to see, but God has opened my eyes to reality, and made me realize that this life has so much to offer. There are no endings, only new beginnings. Be thankful for each and everyday that you are able to wake up and indulge this beautiful life.  God bless! Ta ta for now!

*sighs

A week of busy, has come to an end. Tomorrow, will be Monday. Time just never seems to stop, and sometimes we just need to take that little breather. This weekend, was definitely a lot of Jesus bonding time. Friday, my mom and I went to the stations of the cross, and attended mass afterwards. His mom was there, after coming home, she had called our house and spoke to  my mom and grandma to ask how everyone was doing. I really miss her. It's a shame we couldn't have shared many more memories together. In some ways, I already thought she was like another mother to me.Saturday, the kids had their retreat. We sang, laughed, and then had adoration. I had used that time to get in touch with my religious side, and to just sit there and talk to God. I then confessed my sins. Because the line was so long, father didn't say much...other than " I know, you know the mistakes you've made" and I walked away. I was disappointed that I didn't get much feedback... oh well. I've made it commitment to go to pray to St. Anna statue. Lately, I just feel that she's really been hearing my prayers, and so I've been paying my respect to her. After my brother and his friends went to 98lbs to eat, and so I went with. i was the older kids there. Actually I was the oldest one... i definitely felt like and OG it was weird. Anyways, Today is sunday, and here i am! I went to mass today, and brought up the gifts, with tofu. It was nice. I haven't done that in so long.

Tofu told me today that c. Chi had asked if he wanted to stay over for the Ephata retreat. I am so jealous right now. It's not even funny.  But truthfully, I know he's changed and grown in faith. I'm really proud of him,and how this retreat has really effected him. I'm also glad to have been able to meet him, and seen him grow. I couldn't be more proud of him. I also heard Thinh will be one of the parents at the retreat. I'm not surprised. I know he's spiritually ready, and has so much to offer the kids. He's been through so much, and after this breakup I'm sure he's still in the process of defining who he is, and what he wants. I as well. Gosh, I bet he's so happy. I guess, if anything I'm afraid that he's going to bring me up... it's weird but all I can say is... I trust in him. Even though we are not together, I trust that whatever he chooses to share, about his family, me, life I know or hope he will be careful with his words.

He actaully said hi to me today... I can't even recall the last time he said hi to me. I miss him so much.  I wonder how he is doing, or what is going on, or what he's been up too. I hate the fact that we can't speak to one another.. *sighs..

Rambling thoughts!

It's 1:00 am (ish), and for some odd reason I'm not tired. I am just feeling a bit boggled up with all my thoughts, that it only feels right to share them via blogging.

• I use to ignore the fact that there are people who are selfish,careless, disrespectful, etc... but after yesterday's talk with my co workers, all confirmed to be true. They say, that employee's aren't always suppose to like their bosses, and their bosses aren't always suppose to please their employee's but gosh, at least treat each other with the respect that a human being deserves. No matter how much money you make, where you come from, whether you are rich or poor, no one deserves to be treated less than anything but a human being. I was talking to one of my coworkers, that  I definitely have the most respect for. He shared various stories of the wrong and hurtful things that my bosses have said/ done to him, and he's been working for our school for 6 years. Despite it all, he greets every student as if they were his own. He treats us, with compassion, and provides us with the best. He said to me the reason why he has been for here for so long was because of 'us'. Us as in the students.It touched my heart, I could see the care and unconditional love that he had for us- and for everyone. Its rare to find someone who is so genuine. Bless his soul. 
• Church has been awesome. I enjoy every weekend with TNTT and Sunday School with my kiddies! My group chose me to get interviewed by the Catholic Spirit so I'm real excited and somewhat nervous... on Saturday c.Chi pulled me out from the group and mentioned how she'd think all the leaders believe that when the time comes I'll make a great 'huyhn truong' aka leader. It really made me happy, and relieved to hear such positive feedback. She mentioned that for young adult, she can see that i've definitely grown in my faith, and there aren't many who are the same. I sat there taking pride in that, and I took it as an encouragement to better myself. A goal still in process of accomplishing!
• It's been confirmed. I am Jenny's sponsor! How exciting! I think I am actually the youngest person in my church to be a sponsor, with approval. YAY! 
• My Grandma has the shingles, or so it seems. It scares me, and I plan on going home more often now, and spending time with her. 
• I'm getting fat, and i need a bod for this summer and the Dominican next year haha
• Today, I went to bdubs with the fellas, and I had so much fun!
• I'm crushing on tofu. hehehehe He looked cute today. HOLLA
• I got and A on my paper for writing, who hoo!

Night night!

Today is a good day.

I asked God to take my pain away.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away,
but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
Her spirit was whole,
her body was only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a by-product of tribulations,
it isn't granted, it is earned.

I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings,
Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares
and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own,
but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life
so that you may enjoy all things.

I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as he loves me.
God said... Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.

April Fools!

April is finally here! And in less than month, I'll be done with my first year of college... wow. It still feels as if yesterday, I met my roommate, and starting my college experience. Last night, my roomie showed me this song, called 'temporary home' by carrie underwood. At first, I was sort of in the 'wtf stage, why are you so emo stage'.  The song had really gotten to her. I turned off the lights, bout to get ready to close my eyes, and knowing something is wrong, I slowly creep on her (haha sorry, I'm a creeper) I caught her crying again. I wanted to make sure she was okay, and so, what do I do? Well, I climbed up to sit and chat with her. We both started talking, and she shared some things that meant a lot to her. I could see where she was coming from...I can't say that I know what she's been through, but I can only understand.

While listening to the song, I myself got a bit emotional. I realized how selfish we as human beings are... we take everything for granted, and we don't care about anything other than ourselves. We don't look around to see how fortunate we are, and we complain about the lives that God has granted us.

I use to claim that I was a good person, built with good morals, and intentions... but then I reflect on myself, and ponder on the thought if that is true... am I really just like every other selfish human being out there?

I came home today, and saw my grandma. She showed me her face. It was badly swollen, according to my brother it's a virus infection- possibly the shingles or some form of another chicken pox. I was angry at my family for not telling me anything. Waiting till I come home. What the hell. What if something else happened, were they going to hide that from me too? My poor grandma 's face is swollen, with bumps and pain. Just last she was sick, and now this. After seeing her face, I think I'm going to be going home more often now... I mean, I don't know how long she's going to live, or when God will take her away... I want to seize the moment that I can have with the woman who has helped cared for me with her unconditional love....

Praying for the needy,tonight...