Life at the moment

Finally, back to school. With less than three weeks left, and its all winding down very quickly. I am tired, and quite honestly sad that my first year is over. Easter Break was very relaxing, and not  mention filled the church events. I ended up going to all 4 services, and I enjoyed each and every one of them. Sitting with my friends, and my family. It's been tough, because I saw him. I miss him so much, and it seems like i'm going through these withdrawals . I start to blame myself for there is no friendship. I feel like it was because of me, that pushed 'what could  of  been' away... and now, i'm paranoid, and my emotions are fucking me over. (excuse, thy language) Being able to be back on fb is nice. I feel like i am no longer an outcast anymore, haha. But at the same time, it gives me the excuse to go to his page, all the time. He's probably stressed out with all he has going on, but I believe in him. As for the rest, God has a plan.

I've been spending quite some time with my church friends. I like the fact that I'm not always hanging around the same group of people all the time. I like it. I feel like these guys will be my friends forever, and i just feel it now.
I can't speak to them about every aspect of my life, and I feel like they will be able to understand/relate due to the fact we are so similar. On top of that, my friend Becky and I have gotten really close as well. Heck, she's one of my best friends here. Technically, my other 'twin' or so I claim. It was good being able to talk to her. It's funny, cause everything that's running through her mind, or when we both are really confused,  we get to share all those moments together. Which makes it fun. I know how badly she wants to get into the U, and just start the life she deserves so I'm praying for you Becky! Follow YOUR dreams, don't let people tell you what you can or can not do, because in the end.. YOU are your own person. :)

Lately, I've been reevaluating myself. Like they say, "you are your worst critique"... any who...I don't know why, but it's like I'm not content with who I am at the moment. I feel I could strive so much more to better myself. I start of think about what it is I want to do with my life, and as of now I'm feeling education. At first I thought maybe medicine. How great would it be to save a life, cure those who need it, or be able to help someone every single day... it's not that I can't do that through education but I do get a different vibe. After reading a friend's blog everything she had written made sense. I do know why I want to be teacher. I know. I want to be able to give these the assurance that I  believe they can do anything. I will say, I am not the smartest little light bulb out there, but gosh, I know the hurt of having no one believing in you, or thinking you will make something of yourself. Well they are wrong! I know what I am capable of, and to be quite honest, I know what I am good at. My heart is telling me to step on the gas, and go forward with my decisions.

Another note before I conclude... lately I've been getting these negative vibes. People are very mean, and really need to watch their jokes. It's not as funny as they assume it to be. It's quite rude. I am very blunt, and real but it's not to the point where I will go out of my way to confront someone of something very little. If they cross the line, I am not afraid. I tolerate many things, and many people, but when you go to show your true colors, then think again. Sometimes, I will never understand the way people act... be real, be you.