I think too much.

Tonight is just one of those nights, actually this whole weekend I've found myself feeling really emotional. No, it's not that time. I don't know what it is... i just feel uneasy.*sigh...

Some thoughts:

=Ever since Thursday, I've been catching myself thinking about the kids. It's only been two days, and I already feel how much i am being impacted. I hate the fact knowing I have so much... great family, wonderful friends, beautiful home... while these kids don't have half of what I have. I am very thankful, but sometimes I just wonder why God loves me so much. What did I do to deserve all this.... I feel like i am doing nothing to help this kids, and though some tell me otherwise I don't believe it. I hate that feeling ...

- i have so many event to look forward too.. all filled with TNTT events!
YESS. As much as i enjoy youth group.. i also love the people too. They are like my third fam. I have my immediate fam, my college fam, and then there's tntt fam. I love what i do, and training to become. Next week, nine of the hiep si in my group will be getting the red scarfs to become leaders. As excited as i am, i wish i could of been one of the nine... oh well, soon. I've been asked why do you want to be a HT ( a leader) ? And to be honest, being a HT is something i want so badly. Why? I want to be able to able to help youths be a better Catholic, overall a good christian. I want to help them better themselves so that they can too better others. I want to be a living example of what they all can be in the future as well. that's why it is so important for me to walk the walk talk the talk. Some find it as though i am too hard on myself... but i have to be. I want to be a role model, i want to help better myself. to help educate youths about their Savior. I want them to see how faith can do great things for those who believe. I want to be that living proof for them to see..

- i talked to Tofu today... our convos never seem to get old. Despite all the times that i drive him nuts. I know he still looks out for me. Thats what friends do! Tonight we really talk though... about my ex, i told him how i felt and he understood. IT was just really refreshing, i guess. He asked me 'would you ever take him back' and to be honest ... i don't know... i just don't know.

Life at the moment is stressful. I always catch myself thinking about things i shouldn't. I mjust don't know... -__________-"