A little heart to heart

There's so much running through my mind. Everything just seems to be rushing towards me all at once... this weekend, driving to my little brothers friend house ( which was the longest drive ever), and then heading to the buffet. I sat in the car, and this song came on. Blessings, by Laura Story while driving, I listened to this song carefully, "What if you're mercies are in disguise". After my break up, I resented the world. I resented everything, and everyone. I kept myself in a dark world, filled with no hope nor positivity. I lingered on like that for months, hating him, making decisions that I regretted, did things that maybe i shouldn't have. For a while, i lost who I was.That was me at rock bottom. Now that months have gone by, and I've actually thought things through, I feel that I'm in a better place. Despite it all. Yes, i miss him. Yes, I still love him. But in some ways, maybe being hurt was a blessing in disguise? 

"'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise "

The Ephata retreat is right around the corner, and I am very excited. Not only am I a sponsor, but I am hoping I'll be able to participate in this life changing event. I remember when I had to go through it. Boy, did I take it seriously. Left all my electronics at home, hoping for the best. Anh Bao was my dad, and chi Maria was my mom. My family, was awesome. We shared so many memories together, and now that it's been 2 years since I last remembered, one of my group members are still really good friends. Aside from my friends from school, I can say that my church friends mean the world to me. Although we don't hang out with each other as often as we'd like. Or sometimes we might not even like one another, when it comes down to it, if we ever needed one another i know I can rely on them. 

"What if my greatest disappointments 

Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise"

Growing up, I knew it was children I was meant to work with. With today's economy, its sort of scaring me if education is really what I should do. It's not that I feel incompatible, call me the girl with the ego, but I feel that  if I were a teacher, I think I'd be bomb. Seeing/ hearing that my friends families are getting laid off, is scary.I pray that everything will be okay... my grandma is getting weaker, and I don't know what tomorrow will bring. One day she's better, one day she's not. When she's sick, it's hard. I worry constantly because sometimes I don't know what to do to make her feel better.  I've been trying to be good at home. Less arguing back, more listening and just being with my family. People may perceive me to be this good girl, but really I make mistakes all the time. I'm not all that great as people see me to be... like I said, and will continue saying... I want to better myself so that I can better those around me. Because at the end of the day, it's not about me but about others. 

I feel like i'm rambling a lot. My point of this blog being is that despite everything the pain, the lost, the sadness, the hurt etc... I feel like all of those things were blessings that came in disguise. I was blinded to see, but God has opened my eyes to reality, and made me realize that this life has so much to offer. There are no endings, only new beginnings. Be thankful for each and everyday that you are able to wake up and indulge this beautiful life.  God bless! Ta ta for now!