nervous!

This nervous ness, and excitEment is keeping me up! Or maybe its that extra shot of expresso, I asked for lol. Well, tmr is here.. And I will be heading out for cap 1 I am so nervous! I honestly don't know what to expect. My teammates and I finally communicated a little... It only took two days before camp... Lol. I hope I'll be able to bring some of the things I learneD this year as a hiep si cap 2... Bahhhh. Let's see what else... I'm a bit bummed at the fact that I won't be able to attend kic our church lock in. It sounds so awesome!! I'll def say a little prayer for the crew and everyone attending this weekend! Hopefully, the kids can get in touch and "Kic" it with jesus:) oh! There is a chance I might get a position as a pharmacy tech! A friend of mine is moving to a diff location, and so his spot is open... He called to let me know and itd be totally awesome! I am not excited for this super long car ride... But I'm sure it'll be fun! And our campsite loooks super nice! Haha I feel bad for campers last year who attended the one in michigan lol well I don't know what else to say except... I am so pumped to do this! Let's do this ! God is good! All the time!!! All the time! God is good!!!

So much too do... so little time...

Missouri was tons of fun. Despite the heat... I got to hang with my friends, and family.. it was awesome.Probably my fave year ever! He text me all weekend... and then I saw him Saturday for mass, we stood next to each other, and sat by each other during mass... it was really nice. I would fan him, and he would fan me.. and I don't know it was nice. I love our relationship.Talking to him makes my day, knowing he's has my back, and supporting me means a lot. I can tell him everything. Even when I don't tell him whats wrong... he knows. Damn him.. haha

Anyways, I leave for Kansas tmr! I am nervous, but excited! I'm not even done packing... blah... I'm excited!! I hope my teammates likes me. SIGH!! We have so much to do!

My birthday is coming up and gosh, I can't believe it. This year has been really rough for me, mentally and emotionally. But through it all, my friends have been so great. Especially, my church homies... its crazy. They love and care about me so much, and it makes me feel so loved! They are always there.. making sure im okay and I can't thank them enough.

Speaking of church... at MO, one of the priest knew who I was.. it was awesome! I have a rep! hahaha I would say I'm quite active in with my church. A lot of people know of me, or know who i am. It makes me feel really good. Every where, I go.. if my students see me they would run up and yell"HI CO KATHY!!", parents recognize me, and my gma old friends are always complimenting me on how great and pretty i am hehehe. My youth group leaders acknowledge how I am growing with my faith, and realizing how I enjoy serving others. All of these things, help boost my self esteem and give me the confidence to live my life TNTT style. I remember during mass, I was leading Father back to wear he sat, and I was walking through the crowd, few of the teen girls from my church were screaming 'kathy you rock!' hahah and i was like fist pumping my way back. I've been told various times that I am inspiration to my youths. I honestly, can't take any credit... because THEY are my inspiration to motivate myself in all positive ways. I have them to thank.. really. God is so good to me, and it's just something small that I can do. *sighh God is good :)

I need me some Vitamin D

It must be the lack of Vitamin D that we seem to be getting...
For these past few weeks, the cycle seems to ease up on me... I find myself in much a happier state, it has been real nice. My friends have even mentioned how much they see myself doing much better, and for that time being I really was. Things began to really look up, till Sunday. I rear ended a guy, on accident... it wasn't big, minor scratches and two holes...i got yelled at and basically all hell broke loose.

Trying to think positive is hard, especially when the atmosphere limits you to do so. But you deal, and things turn out. God will take care of me... I just need to continue to trust in him.

I leave for MO Friday morning, I was pretty excited... but now, it's just blah. I'm looking forward to doing some serious praying. I'm going to take advantage of this time, and dedicate to Mother Mary, and Jesus. Despite all that has happened, I owe my life to them... I return Sunday, and then the following week I am off to Kansas for Camp Training. I'm excited, but nervous. But Im going to go in with an open mind... so, we will see.

Last weekend, I got to do Love- N- Share, a non profit organization founded by my friend's mom. I like to think I'm a very observant person, I observe others, and who they are, and there personalities. All weekend, I really got to open up to my youth group leader, and connect with her on a personal level. It was really nice, as we sat down and spoke about our dreams and aspirations I got hit with reality all over again... I use to contemplate about my future work for the money? Or do something I know I'm good at? Hm... obviously the good outweighs the bad... if that is truly what God wants me to, then I'm going to do it. If i can serve him in anyway, then I shall. She brought up, that sometimes we are often afraid to leave our nest, and how we choose to stay in our comfort zone rather then soaring our wings... it made all that much sense. Life is great at home.. but what if I'm missing out on something else? I want to consider all the opportunities that come my way. ( Just a thought) The founder of Love N Share, is actually my mom's friend... she's a great lady. I truly admire her... and everything. Her daughter is my brother's friend, she's a really sweet girl... whom i think is trying to change herself for the better. HEr mom brought up some stories, and for that time... i could relate. I got to spend some time with her, and in some ways, I can see a lot of me in her. If thats true, I know this girl will grow up to be something great. Kinda ironic, when Tim left me, her bf broke up with her... I think deep down somewhere we knew and could really relate. Minus our age difference. I started to realize that if I don't want to dedicate my life just helping children, but to be able to touch the hearts of many youths in general. If I can, that would be a dream come true...

There's a lot of things, and certain people who really bother me, but then I think whatever. I have my own life to worry about... as far as the love life goes, for the most part I'm very content. Although, at times I find myself wishing I could have some of that affection or that guy's attention... but only time will tell. There's someone I have in mind, but he and I we are just I don't know.... we will see where life takes us I suppose.

An early morning

The past few days, I haven't been getting that much hours of sleep. He has been my mind... last night, i texted him wishing him luck on his MCAT. Can't believe today is the day. I really believe he is can do this, and hold so much faith in him. Yesterday, a friend held a 'study' party at this house that consisted of karaoke, which i got way too carried away. VERY CARRIED AWAY. My ex was there, and i didn't even care... that's how carried away i was. AS the day came to an end, i drove home and found myself randomly thinking of myself, and how i was in the past. I was such a dummy. Came home, washed up, and prayed with my fam. I then stayed on fb for a while... 1230 rolled around, and I took out my rosary and started to prayed for my roomie, and him. I prayed, and now I just hope God gets it. As I slept, all I could thikn about was him... I know he can do this. Gosh, he can do this. I woke up early today round 6 to do another set of hail mary as well. Now, I sit and wait to see...

I fasted for the first time this week. IT was very hard. But I had to keep in mind who I was doing it for, and who I was fasting for. I honestly, don't know how Jesus did this for 40 days. I had four slices of bread... and it never tasted so good. I guess, everything taste better when your hungry huh? But i managed to make it through the day. I hope to continue to do this... I want to do it.

Right now, there's not much on my mind... I just want to devote my life to God. I r am nothing with him I feel I have everything. I need to continue to living my life, the way he has intended for me. He will forever be my savior.

The time has come...

He takes his Mcat this weekend. I'm so nervous for him, but all I can do is pray. At times like these I wish i could be there, and give him my support but at the same time i don't want to be overbearing either.

I swear, I am such a great facebook creeper... that's how i found out. This is driving me nuts... it's time to talk to him. I feel it, i need too!!!!

Thinking back, on how he and I watched Patch Adams together, he told me why he wanted to be a doctor. Why he wanted to serve others... and now, he's taking that first leap by taking the mcats. Oh my gosh, this is too crazy. If he makes it, he's going to medical school!!!!!! Who knows, God has his life planned, lets see where he takes him. I'm going to be diligently praying for him...

God just give him strength!!!!!


I am so lame. -__________-

Rambling!!

It's been so long since I've blogged, gosh. I don't where to start or where to end. So here goes me rambling...

A few weeks ago, actually maybe last week... my family and I had gotten into an argument. We didn't speak, nothing. I was on the verge of leaving the house, and being on my own. I take the blame, it was my fault. I think when it comes down to it... i really don't show my rents any appreciation. I love my family, don't get me wrong. I just hate the fact that they are overly protective and not to mention their rules are very unreasonable at times. If only, i didn't spazz out so soon, and talked my way with them without yelling maybe things would have gone better... Things are better now. We breifly talked, I've been doing my best to stay a good girl at home cleanings, washing the dishes after they are done eating. I owe my rents a lot. And i feel like i've just been putting them through hell... *sigh* I'm going to do my best. Ask god for some guidance.. and better myself. http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=4576739489094127707

There's so many things going on that I am so far behind on... gosh. I've been praying a lot so God can give me strength to face all that's going on.. and I am doing my best. It's just stressful.

I've had a lot of problems... but my emotions are off the roof. A month ago, I talked to my best friend, Sarah. Our convo went from laughter to me breaking down, and hyperventilating like none other. I've decided to go seek help. So this fall, I plan on going to see a counselor. I feel like a part of me.. I'm so caught up in my emotions. It's so hard... some days I wake up feeling like shit.I act differently, and push others away. I don't know.. I feel like i can't control myself. The thoughts that i have... the things i think about are not okay. I'm just not emotionally stable. I need help. As hard as it is... I'm going to seek it. I over think too...

Camp ended a few weeks ago. IT was amazing. Despite all the huge ass bugs, the heat, and the bathrooms... I had an amazing time. The time I was there, I learned so much. As a youth group leader, your responsible for many things. There was never a time where I didn't recall not doing anything. We got there friday and went home sunday afternoon. The whole weekend, I was peeling like none other! So embarrassing. I have to say our youth group kicks butt! We are an amazing doan. I am so proud and hold so much pride in our parish! Our leaders, are great! Our kids are awesome! And as one body in christ we can do anything! Which was our themes, "we are one body". I met some awesome youth group leaders, that i aspire to be one day. It's so nice. Now we are on break till sept. which means no TNTT till sept! Wah....

July is quickly coming to an end.
-First week of August- Marian Days, MO
-Second week- Cap 1, Kansas, and my birthday
-Third week- School, and HT camp...
soo many things going on!

I'm going to start fasting every Wednesday.Why? Well, Jesus had fast for 40 days, and Wednesday was the first night before he started fasting/was in the desert. To think, that a man did not eat to sacrifice his life for the sake of children is truly admirable. Who are we to complain? My friend who has done it for a few months now, told me this... " Each week i fast for someone i love or care about" and that is so sweet. But at the same time, it builds character and patience. IT gives you and idea with what God has been through. He even brought up that Thinh had even fast for me.. somewhere along those lines I think the feelings are still there... who knows.

I finally had the chance to talk to my roommate last night. Although it was brief, it was so nice. She is truly my best friend. I don't know how blessed i am... she has helped me through so much, and i cna't thank her enough. Its so weird, how even though she has no idea what has been going on... she still manages to make me feel muhos better. Ahh i miss her...

An update on my life at the moment

Well it seems to be a while since ive last blogged. Why? My stupid brother had to upgrade his computer or whatever... So now I'm using Internet from the library, my phone, and my sister in laws iPad. Poop. I feel like there's so much to share but so little time... So il make I short..

> last week, nine hiep si's thang cap.. Aka became official leaders of our parish youth group. As excited as is was, I was also very emotional that day. It just made me want to become a ht all the more! I am iChat motivated to serve Christ!

>interning has been going well, I have been sick the past few days therefore I feel like I'm missing out on so much... So, I'm going to get my head in the game and do something about it.

>with camp coming up there has been so much to do! And I'm not even a leader yet... But it's my first time camping so this should be interesting. I still have to get my chau stuff together and pack!

>most recently I've been. Spending a lot of time with my youth group leaders sndi love it. I come to find something new and interesting about them tht I come to admire and aspire to be

>my friends have been pushing me to get over him.. But it's so hard.