I've officially given up fb. No more, till after Easter. I decided to log into Fb one last time before I say good bye, only to find out the one girl whom I was no longer friends with had made remarks about me... saying 'you aren't a bad person, but you aren't as good as you think you are' -that hurts. I will say, that I am no victim and. I am at fault, and I will admit it. I am not afraid to accept that I am wrong. Whether she feels that she has not done anything wrong, then so be it. I will not lower myself, and play high schools games to prove that I am right. Say the words that you dare to say, in the end, I know where I stand, and I will not back down on the decisions that i've made. I can tell you this... I am human,I am bound to make mistakes. I am not here to please you, nor am I here to please anyone in particular. I was given this life, to make mistakes so that I can learn from them. My imperfections is what keeps me sane. Whether you feel I was at fault, or that I did not think about my consequences, i can surely tell you, that I did think everything over, and till this day... I have no regrets for what and where things have come too. I will not lower myself, and sloop to your level. For I am worth so much more than you think.
I do not hate you, but I am not please with your actions. It's time to grow up, and be the woman you are set out to be. You are strong, and you will get over it. With time, and your friends, you will be fine. Good luck to you.
About Me
- Ktrinh10
- Follower and believer of Christ-Catholic. I live my life, as his child. A witness, living a life of he has preached. Faith comes before anything, morals keep hold me together.I'm Reserved, but opinionated. I am aspiring to be a better person, everyday. But for all that its worth I've got the man upstairs to thank for all the many blessings he's given me... I live to serve and serve to live :)
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
A light at the end of the tunnel...
I've been trying to help myself get better with my emotions. Being alone all the time isn't helping... I went on this website for break up tips as lame as that sounds... and I got this...
Let go. Understand that there is no benefit in holding on to heartache, regret, and hatred toward another person. Realize that although it is over, your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways. You can congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn't work out this time, there will be a next time. Try not to think about them, Don't let anger get the best of you.
I know, I need to let go. There are no benefits in holding onto this heartache. I have no right to 'hate' the person whom feelings has changed for me... despite the fact that it hurts. I gave love, a chance. I am proud of who I am, and I will not let heartbreak conquer who I am. Even though there will be days, where i want to cry, or even feel like dying. I will cry, and stand with pride. Because I know I am worth so much more, than I deserve.
To him:
If you ever stumble across or even read this blog....
I want you to know, that the day I met you. Was the best things thatt hashappened to me. Even though, you left leaving me empty handed you are still the genuine guy that I first met, and nothing will change that. You have so much going for you, and you are an amazing person. Everything that we've been through, I wouldn't have changed a single thing. You brought me joy, love, and so much more than I deserve. I was very lucky to have you. i don't think I'll ever forget you... i love you, and i always will.
Let go. Understand that there is no benefit in holding on to heartache, regret, and hatred toward another person. Realize that although it is over, your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways. You can congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn't work out this time, there will be a next time. Try not to think about them, Don't let anger get the best of you.
I know, I need to let go. There are no benefits in holding onto this heartache. I have no right to 'hate' the person whom feelings has changed for me... despite the fact that it hurts. I gave love, a chance. I am proud of who I am, and I will not let heartbreak conquer who I am. Even though there will be days, where i want to cry, or even feel like dying. I will cry, and stand with pride. Because I know I am worth so much more, than I deserve.
To him:
If you ever stumble across or even read this blog....
I want you to know, that the day I met you. Was the best things thatt hashappened to me. Even though, you left leaving me empty handed you are still the genuine guy that I first met, and nothing will change that. You have so much going for you, and you are an amazing person. Everything that we've been through, I wouldn't have changed a single thing. You brought me joy, love, and so much more than I deserve. I was very lucky to have you. i don't think I'll ever forget you... i love you, and i always will.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
I hate you.
"See how I leave, with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do.
There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark
The scars of your love, remind me of us.
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling...we could have had it all"
Don't underestimate the things that I will do.
There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark
The scars of your love, remind me of us.
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling...we could have had it all"
With spring break here, I just have so much free time to think;about him,
I reminisce about everything. about US. I catch myself crying, being sad at random moments. Because deep down, the feeling of loving someone whom doesn't love you is def the hardest to handle. Imagining so much together, put everything on the table, giving that relationship 100 percent of all I am. To in the end, be the one who was left. I once told my roommate, " If Tim had ever left me , I'd be fine". Look what happened. I wish I never had met him.I wish these feelings would go to hell! I hate him for what he's done to me, and to leave me hanging with all this pain, while he's moving on with his perfect life! The anger I feel, the life I'm living is hell. I'm not who I use to be. I am such a selfish person right now. I know. but I sick of this life. Just so sick of this thing we called "Love'. It can all go to hell.
Fuckin' hate love. Screw you, screw you him.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Spring Break!
Spring Break is here! Surprisingly, I'm not all too excited, just cause I don't know what I will be doing with my free time... any who, started my day taking two exams, which I don't think I did so well. Blah! Then worked for the rest of the day.
So, i was thinking about my job at the cafe...and how it requires so much manual labor (kinda), and at times I catch myself thinking maybe I should quit, and find me a receptionist job, or ya know, a job where I can look good in. Instead of getting coffee splashed in my face, not to mentions making a bottle takes tedious time, and a big clean up after. Oh and my pet peeve! Demanding, and rude people. I mean, I know I come into work, with baggy clothing, hair looking like a mess, no makeup, but today, i actually felt like a 'worker'. I strolled a cart up to the dining hall, feeling like crap (pms speaking), with garbage. i noticed a group of kids, as I strolled past them I felt a sense of humility. kind of like, if someone asked you," What do you do for a living?" and you say, "I'm a janitor." like, you sort of feel ashamed... nothing against janitors of course. I'm very thankful for what they do! ACtually, my heart goes out to them! But as I passed them, i felt I was being judged. For those living the good life, parents be giving you the money to spend, while you sit back and relax... you guys are missing out. Missing out, because you'll never learn what the meaning of hard work really is. Ever since I've worked for Sodexo I can say, I've become so much more humble. I got of sense of what my parents go through every single day for me. i deal with all sorts of people...but the most important thing I've learned is to be respectful. I feel like with today's society we forget the magics words: Please and thank You. Being polite is not an option, but a way of life ( or so I feel). If you want people to respect you, you've got to learn to respect others.
Went home, spent some time with my brother and his friends was fun! I always laugh, and make convos revolve around me hehehe. My roomie called, which was nice. Good to hear her voice again. We just babbled about nothing in particular -typical. Sometimes I feel like I dont look at her as my BFF but like a sister. I'm glad we've become really close. It's nice to know you know that someone is always there for you despite the distance. It sounds corny, but I like the fact that my bed is right underneath of hers, it makes me feel safe when I'm not with my family.
It's getting late, and my gna is snoring really loud... great.
Goodnight world!!!!
So, i was thinking about my job at the cafe...and how it requires so much manual labor (kinda), and at times I catch myself thinking maybe I should quit, and find me a receptionist job, or ya know, a job where I can look good in. Instead of getting coffee splashed in my face, not to mentions making a bottle takes tedious time, and a big clean up after. Oh and my pet peeve! Demanding, and rude people. I mean, I know I come into work, with baggy clothing, hair looking like a mess, no makeup, but today, i actually felt like a 'worker'. I strolled a cart up to the dining hall, feeling like crap (pms speaking), with garbage. i noticed a group of kids, as I strolled past them I felt a sense of humility. kind of like, if someone asked you," What do you do for a living?" and you say, "I'm a janitor." like, you sort of feel ashamed... nothing against janitors of course. I'm very thankful for what they do! ACtually, my heart goes out to them! But as I passed them, i felt I was being judged. For those living the good life, parents be giving you the money to spend, while you sit back and relax... you guys are missing out. Missing out, because you'll never learn what the meaning of hard work really is. Ever since I've worked for Sodexo I can say, I've become so much more humble. I got of sense of what my parents go through every single day for me. i deal with all sorts of people...but the most important thing I've learned is to be respectful. I feel like with today's society we forget the magics words: Please and thank You. Being polite is not an option, but a way of life ( or so I feel). If you want people to respect you, you've got to learn to respect others.
Went home, spent some time with my brother and his friends was fun! I always laugh, and make convos revolve around me hehehe. My roomie called, which was nice. Good to hear her voice again. We just babbled about nothing in particular -typical. Sometimes I feel like I dont look at her as my BFF but like a sister. I'm glad we've become really close. It's nice to know you know that someone is always there for you despite the distance. It sounds corny, but I like the fact that my bed is right underneath of hers, it makes me feel safe when I'm not with my family.
It's getting late, and my gna is snoring really loud... great.
Goodnight world!!!!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Blog post for now..
I think I know why I've been acting out. I think it's the fact that I'll my friends are going home again, and I won't get to see them until we come back... and break is here. I think it's such a selfish act, but I can't help it. I feel like every single time that they go home, it just means it's a another goodbye for now... and I hate good byes. Imagine when summer rolls around! What am I suppose to do without them? Oh dear lord. I couldn't sleep last night, I don't know why. I have two exams tmr, too. Blah! The weather is crappy already, and thursday suck.
Blog post for now.. since I got out half an hour early for bio! yay!
Blog post for now.. since I got out half an hour early for bio! yay!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Venting my thoughts away....
Typically, I try to blog only once a day, but I am blogging twice! Yippee...I am breaking out, and really crabby at the moment. Pms? Let's hope that's the answer. This song has been playing non- stop, and as beautiful as it may be it makes me question everything about life. What is the meaning, what is the purpose of this life that God has given us? To re create? It's weird how good things happen to bad people, and bad things happen to good people. It makes me wonder if God is really is really being fair... ya know? Every time I hear the song, it gets to me every single time...
"What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone"
I don't know why I'm so crabby, or why I'm tweaking at everyone. I do apologize. The only thing that really calms me down is music. I'm not much of a singer, nor am I that great at piano... but when it comes to listening to music- it's a def escape from reality. Lately, I haven't been thinking about much other than my surroundings. School is school, and i get bored of it. Where is the motivation... Work is work... nothing new.
I mean, I have a great family. I know that my friends are always here when I need them,but i feel like im missing something. A man? ha ha. I need to fill this void that I'm feeling inside. It's driving me nuts.
Today, my friend had asked me to be her confirmation sponsor, and I almost cried. I can honestly say that I am honored. To have a person who confides in me that much really means a lot. I feel like that the members of my church are realizing how I am really growing in my faith. Heck, I didn't think I'd be like this... but to know that they are seeing a transformation in the woman I'm becoming, is an accomplishment to me. I don't ask them to acknowledge how great of a person I'm becoming, but I would like it if they acknowledge the fact that I am trying to get a better understanding of my faith.
When I think of 'friendship' I'd have to say that it takes two to create that relationship. Not one. There needs to be communication, and understanding of one another... or else conflict is involved. At the same time, along the road we meet different people, things change. It's up to you and that person to really figure out if you're willing to cont that relationship, but if it's unhealthy I don't see why you should maintain it. When it comes to being a friend, I'd say I know how to be a great friend, but I don't know if I could ever take credit as to if I am one. When someone needs me, I will be there. i will walk that extra mile for the person I care for. hell, if you need my heart to survive I'd give it to them in a heart beat. I forgive, but it's hard for me to forget. Don't push my buttons, because when I leave the chance of me coming back is slim. Sorry.
Ugh.
Note to the man upstairs:
Dear God,
i don't think it's fair that bad things happen to good people.
i don't understand why you do the things you do.
Do you not see how people are suffering...
please God, just let them live there life.
Give them hope, be by there side.
Amen.
"What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone"
Every time I hear the chorus, I think why would people say things they didn't mean... is it that hard to be honest. I guess that's where people don't like me, i'm blunt. I keep it real. I don't sugarcoat. I say what i have to say. ALthough, if you aren't my friend then I could care less... really.
I don't know why I'm so crabby, or why I'm tweaking at everyone. I do apologize. The only thing that really calms me down is music. I'm not much of a singer, nor am I that great at piano... but when it comes to listening to music- it's a def escape from reality. Lately, I haven't been thinking about much other than my surroundings. School is school, and i get bored of it. Where is the motivation... Work is work... nothing new.
I mean, I have a great family. I know that my friends are always here when I need them,but i feel like im missing something. A man? ha ha. I need to fill this void that I'm feeling inside. It's driving me nuts.
Today, my friend had asked me to be her confirmation sponsor, and I almost cried. I can honestly say that I am honored. To have a person who confides in me that much really means a lot. I feel like that the members of my church are realizing how I am really growing in my faith. Heck, I didn't think I'd be like this... but to know that they are seeing a transformation in the woman I'm becoming, is an accomplishment to me. I don't ask them to acknowledge how great of a person I'm becoming, but I would like it if they acknowledge the fact that I am trying to get a better understanding of my faith.
When I think of 'friendship' I'd have to say that it takes two to create that relationship. Not one. There needs to be communication, and understanding of one another... or else conflict is involved. At the same time, along the road we meet different people, things change. It's up to you and that person to really figure out if you're willing to cont that relationship, but if it's unhealthy I don't see why you should maintain it. When it comes to being a friend, I'd say I know how to be a great friend, but I don't know if I could ever take credit as to if I am one. When someone needs me, I will be there. i will walk that extra mile for the person I care for. hell, if you need my heart to survive I'd give it to them in a heart beat. I forgive, but it's hard for me to forget. Don't push my buttons, because when I leave the chance of me coming back is slim. Sorry.
Ugh.
Note to the man upstairs:
Dear God,
i don't think it's fair that bad things happen to good people.
i don't understand why you do the things you do.
Do you not see how people are suffering...
please God, just let them live there life.
Give them hope, be by there side.
Amen.
I found this song on youtube called, "More than words". This song is sung by Chris Medina whom dedicated this song to his wife after she became paralyzed.The music video was so touching, yet so beautiful. Every line, every verse, and the chorus all had a beautiful meaning. Lately, I've been dwelling on my ex, a lot and after watching this, I believe that I'll find someone. I'm not going to say that I'll be okay every day, but I do believe that I'll meet someone whom will love me for me, and I can wait till that day comes :).
I do have my mind on someone. He's great, as great gets maybe better. I actually met him this year, and now we are good pals ( even though I hate it) Its weird how i can talk to him so easily. He's the one person I confide in the most, the one who knows what to say at the right time. Just about everything. How badly i wish we could be more than friends, because I really feel things will work. Only time will tell, because i love talking to him. I really love talking to him.
If only he knew...
I do have my mind on someone. He's great, as great gets maybe better. I actually met him this year, and now we are good pals ( even though I hate it) Its weird how i can talk to him so easily. He's the one person I confide in the most, the one who knows what to say at the right time. Just about everything. How badly i wish we could be more than friends, because I really feel things will work. Only time will tell, because i love talking to him. I really love talking to him.
If only he knew...
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